“It’s messing people up, this social pressure to ‘find your passion’ and ‘know what it is you want to do.’ It’s perfectly fine to just live your moments fully, and marvel as both small and large purposes enter and leave your life. For many people there is no realization, no bliss to follow, no discovery of your life’s purpose. This isn’t sad, it’s just the way things are. Stop trying to find the forest and just enjoy the trees!” Today I woke up way before my 7:30 alarm clock rang, to which I usually respond to by laying around until 8:30 and then sprinting out of bed and attempt to arrive to work at 9:00 am. (Dental office/RDA). Luckily my job is literally 4 minutes from my house. This morning was different. As I layed in my twin size bed Starring at the ceiling I could feel my heart beating fast, and my mind racing. I couldn’t sleep, I was anxious, worried, I was afraid. Its February now, that means in three months I’ll be 24. The big two four. These numbers terrify me. Not because I’m afraid of growing old, but because I feel like I’m so behind. I have this constant fear that I’m in a race and I cant keep up. I feel like everyone my age has it figured out. Everyone in my circle has found something and someone that they are pursuing, while I’m over here like ” hey mom look what I drew” (LOL you are my human if you got this reference). 99.9 % of my friends are graduating, married, pregnant, or getting married/ pregnant. I’m in a season of singleness and waiting. Which is AMAZING. Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful that I have been saved from past relationships and screw ups, but thugs get lonely too. Also… I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT. It’s not that simple. Lol. I don’t know what I’m passionate about. I don’t know what I want yet. We’re always waiting for the next best thing. If you’re single you’re waiting to get into relationship. If you’re in a relationship you’re waiting to get married. If you’re married you’re waiting to have kids. If you’re pregnant you’re waiting to have the baby. And when you have your baby, you’re waiting for the baby to grow up. When are we going to stop and enjoy the journey? I never saw myself as someone who needed control until my life fell apart. Losing all security in the future that I painted for myself was the most devastating feeling I’ve ever felt. And that’s when the control issues began. Trying to control anything and everything I could. Starting with my weight, my diet/body, job, people. I just wanted to have power and authority over something. Why are we so afraid of not having control? Its exhausting, constantly trying to keep up with everyone. I took a deep breath, prayed, and asked God to free me from my anxious heart. I opened my bible app and this verse was the verse of the day. “Humble yourselves, then, under God’s mighty hand, so that he will lift you up in his own good time. Leave all your worries with him, because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7” Immediate relief entered my heart like a rushing river, my heart beat slowed down, and my mind was at ease. I believe that God is interested in every part of my life. He hears all that I am worried and anxious about and he will not leave me or forsake me. He just wants me to trust him. God is SO good, even in my brokenness. So take your own path. Enjoy every moment. Be present. Disconnect from social media once in a while. Meditate. Pray. Be in the here and the now. Not knowing what the future holds terrifies me, but I’ve decided to stop looking for the forest, I’m just enjoying the trees.
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
“Tell everyone who is discouraged, Be strong and don’t be afraid! God is coming to your rescue…” Isaiah 35:43.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-713.
“Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” Luke 12;22-26.
This is a little recap of our trip over the weekend to Big Sur CA! (If you have not taken the time to visit, GO!) Seriously lucked out with the perfect weather+ zero signs of traffic +some of my favorite humans. Enjoy the photos. Some taken my yours truly, Lenna Kay @lennakay and of course amazing wizard photography by @jennywennypennypants
This photo however my mother took. Love you mom. @forenmom
Photo credits to @keekpetkov @jennywennypennypants @lennakay